ghost

In that moment she felt like a ghost. Like the dearly departed spirit of someone who once had a fantastic life. Now she was transparent. Forgotten by all except her pet who somehow still felt her presence.  

Sat behind a glowing screen she became a sightseer of other people's lives. She watched as they explored new worlds and laughed with old friends. In her head she was right there with them. Floating in the dead sea, kissing their boyfriends and living their lives. 

Except she wasn't. She was glued to the spot. Overlooked and slightly bewildered. Messages she sent to the living got lost. The words she thought she was screaming came out as a whisper. The work she did all day vanished in front of her very eyes. She was a computer that crashed and lost all of its data.

Perhaps, she thought tentatively, it is time to reboot.

**********************************************************

I don't know why, but I always seem to get inspired by slightly odd movies. Last time I wrote a little creative piece on here was after I watched Lost in Translation. This time it was after I watched The Double. 

The film was dark, funny and struck a chord. It's about a mild-mannered man called Simon who meets his double - a man who looks exactly like him but has the confidence to do everything he doesn't. His double proceeds to take over his life while Simon disappears into the background. Simon even describes himself as a ghost at one point, saying he 'doesn't exist'... and I think on some level we can all feel like that. Like we aren't really here.

I think social media can make this feeling even more irksome. Looking at all the exciting things others are doing on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest - all while you're sat at home watching weird films with your cat. Of course, we all know that everyone has evenings/weekends when they do nothing of note, and that most people only post the 'fun' or 'exciting' moments in life on social media. Even so, it can be easy to fall into the FOMO trap - why aren't I doing things like that? What's wrong with me? 

And just like that, you forget all the fun and exciting moments you've had (and shared). You also forget about all the fun and exciting moments you have planned (even if those plans reside in your head for the time being).

Life should be lived to the fullest, obviously, but what's more important is that we don't compare our 'full' with someone elses. Just because your life doesn't look like theirs, it doesn't make yours any less substantial. We all look to different things to make us feel alive. 

Ironically however, despite those differences, if we looked beneath the glossy filters of Instagram and the carefully curated photo albums on Facebook, we would see striking similarities. We all feel lonely sometimes. We all fake smiles for the camera. We all have moments when we feel forgotten. I think it's important to remember that when you start comparing your life to theirs.

Anyways... apologies for the deep post... it's been a weird couple of weeks. On that note - I think I might have a little social media break and 'reboot'. 

the art of doing nothing

When you realise you have no plans for the upcoming weekend, how do you feel? I know for some people, the thought of spending a day with no plans is like torture. For me (unsurprisingly) it's an excuse to recharge... and I revel in it. Now, of course, there is a time and a place for socialising, getting out there, seeing some sights, being productive and getting shit done.... but there is also a time and a place for doing nothing.

And by nothing, I don't mean literally nothing (obvs) I mean a day of no plans. A day when you have no obligations and have nothing on your to-do list. These days can be a blessing, if you use them right. Over the past couple of months I've probably had more 'nothing' days than 'doing' days at the weekend, so I feel I have honed in on the perfect routine. 

So, for those who dread a day of no plans - give this a whirl and see how you feel. You might be surprised.

1. First of all, don't set an alarm. Let your body clock wake you up and when you do wake up - stay up. Don't fall back to sleep. Your body knows better than you how much sleep you need.

2. Once you are awake, get up - go get a hot drink (I usually grab a hot water and lemon, but coffee is a nice treat) and get back into bed. Now, instead of falling back to sleep, spend some time in bed doing something you love. Maybe it's watching cookery shows or writing in a journal. For me it's either catching up on reading blogs or playing on Pinterest.

3. Next, it's time to get up. Get in the shower, use a zingy smelling shower gel to wake up the senses and linger for longer than normal. Wash your face and brush your teeth - but girls, don't put on any make-up. Let your skin breathe today.

4. Get dressed into something comfy. I like my printed yoga pants and a long-sleeved top with bare feet. I don't know why I avoid socks, it just feels right.

5. Go make yourself a tasty breakfast. During the week I scoff down pre-made overnight oats at my desk, so at the weekends I like to spend time making eggs, toast and fruit for breakfast.

6. Do something you always say you never have time to do. For me this inevitably involves listening to music and reading... or cleaning. For you it might be painting, fixing something around the house or clearing out your wardrobe.

7. MOVE (just a little). I know 'exercising' doesn't seem like doing nothing, but if I don't get moving at some point on my nothing days I end up achy, grumpy and unable to sleep that night. Now, I'm not suggesting you do anything too high in intensity (unless of course you want to), but getting yourself moving will make you feel better, promise. If the weather's nice, I go for a walk in the woods - if it's not, I do some yoga.

8. Have a nutritious lunch. After getting my body moving I crave healthy stuff, so usually make myself a chicken and avocado salad - nom. 

9. Be a bit creative. Go take some photographs, write a story or draw something. It feels nice to think creatively for a bit, even if you don't consider yourself a creative person. I usually end up blogging (hello!).

10. Have a cup of tea and do something that makes you happy. What little thing could you do that makes your heart sing? Watch your favourite movie? Listen to your favourite band? Binge watch the OC? (*hand up*). Whatever it is - do it.

11. Treat yourself. In the evening I like to pamper myself a little. I pop on a facemask, paint my nails and have a couple of chocolates after dinner. 

By the time the day is over I feel like a new person, like I've spent the day just soaking in energy. And I know that wouldn't be the case for everyone, but on the off chance that it would feel like that for you, I thought I would share.

What do you do on 'nothing' days?

29

Last year I wrote a post after my birthday (28) so I thought I would do the same this year. Reading back at last year's post it's crazy to see how much has changed in a year. My birthday this year was a million miles away from last year. OK, not a million miles - 3396.08 to be exact. I was in Dubai.

My friend Paul moved out there a couple of years ago and I was dying to visit, so I figured what better time to go? I had such a great time and felt revitalised when I got home.

My actual birthday was different to any birthday I've had before. For one thing, I spent a lot of the day alone. For the past six years I've been in relationships on my birthday, so always had a significant other to spend it with. So being alone in a foreign country was certainly a first.  

And you know what? I actually kinda loved it. As soon as I woke up I opened my cards I brought along from home and then had a very lazy morning reading blogs. Eventually I got myself ready, slicked on some pink lippy and went for a wander. I headed to Baker and Spice, asked for a table for one and ate some tasty pasta salad. Then I went to the Dubai mall and found my way to Sephora and Cos (AKA Mecca). I grabbed a coffee on my way out and sat in front of the Burj Kalifa to take pictures and watch the world go by. 

When Paul got home from work we both got spruced up and headed out for dinner. Paul took me to a restaurant called Pai Thai which was in a beautiful setting and sold the best Thai food I have ever eaten. We finished the evening off with a couple of cocktails - perfection. All in all, a pretty wonderful day.

Something else that made this birthday different was what I saw for myself in the future. Last year I thought I knew exactly what the future held. I could see it clear as day and was so excited for it. This year is different. For the first time in a long time I have no clue what the future looks like. 

While this is slightly scary, there is a sense of freedom about not knowing. 

For example, being in a different country reminded me how much I love to travel. This combined with a newfound obsession with creating wish lists on the Airbnb app has given me seriously itchy feet. So I think 29 will be a year for exploring. Exploring different cities, exploring other cultures and yeah, exploring myself. 

I don't know where I'll be when I turn 30, but I have a sneaky suspicion that it'll be somewhere new.