Getting the fear...

Ever seen 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas'? Seen the bit where they get 'the fear' in that circus? That scene pretty much epitomises my state of mind at the moment (minus the drugs and carousel). I spend so much time thinking about my future, where I want to go, how it's going to fall into place effortlessly as a falling feather etc. etc. And it looks great. It looks awesome and I cannot wait to get there, but you see, this is where it sets in. The panic. Gripping me like a fist around my chest. What if it doesn't happen? What if things don't turn out like the photo album in my head? What the hell do I do then?

You see- panic. Not good. But then again- shit, I'm only 22, I've got plenty of time to figure it out right? And I've got plenty of time to screw it up and start over. So why this unrelenting panic? Actually, I know why it is. It's this god damn limbo messing with my head again. I'm not working- ergo not doing anything...ergo thinking too much....ergo panicing...ergo- is that even a word or did I just make that up? Whatever, point is- I've got a few things to do this coming week...

• Chillax (I hate that word, but needs to be done)


• If no word from retarded retailers settle for an office job.


• Review CD's for the-mag (in turn adding to portfolio, in turn feel more productive!)


• Remember life will not forever reside in Camberley and in said office job.


• Life will be full of beaches, funny photographs, lovers, laughs and all that Jazz.


• Listen to Russel Joslin more. His music makes me feel as peaceful as a sedated monk.

This entry was supposed to be full of lightness wasn't it? I'll end with some. I've had some heart warmingly fun times the last couple of weeks including:

laughing till it hurt in Zoe's kitchen, drives in Fi's new jeep, drinks by the Quays, Nacho's and gossip in my front room, birthday dinners with innaproriate chatter, throwing shapes to The Kings of Leon and even kisses with a painfully pretty boy. Not bad. Not bad at all. What was all that fear crap? Chatter from a crazy girl thats what it was...

Here's a happy picture to make you smile: